I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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