I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
