Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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