He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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