Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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