Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
