shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
