I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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