I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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