Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
