pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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