So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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