This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
