M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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