Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
