my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
