This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
