Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
