there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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