don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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