it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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