He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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