yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
