Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
