Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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