we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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