Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
