ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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