god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
