Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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