Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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