we're chasing vodka with high fives
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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