Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
