the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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