Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
