Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
