I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize