I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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