I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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