3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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