I want to walk on stilts...naked
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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