The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
