i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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