Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is Oprah even human
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
