The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
