apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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