I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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