i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
