based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My ass is underappreciated
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
