I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
