She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
