How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
