i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
