doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
