I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
