I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
