How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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