i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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